Freshen ye drink, guv'na?

Evenin' all. Well, after countless hours of internet struggles I've given up on attaching pics of everything from the last week or so in favour of just getting this damn thing sent at all. Anyway. Has been an interesting and extremely busy week since last I wrote, so, to sum it all up for you....

Things I Have Done Since Last Time:

- Met up with the London branch of my old club basketball team Rocco's in Brisbane for their training session last Wednesday night. 'Twas good to have a touch of the familiar here, and to note that basketballers are the same the world over. And no, I don't mean they're all tall. You wallies.

- Sorted a good room in a great flat on uber-funky Bermondsey Street in SE1 (social stigma avoided -yasssss). Move in the first week of October.

- Finally got my National Insurance number sorted after numerous Tube-induced stuff-ups

- Sourced new suits while haggling with dodgy salesmen. For awhile there I was sure I was back in Luxor, until I stepped out into the rain.

- Went to the polo championships at Windsor on Sunday, which is extremely green and lovely, had a nifty day, met interesting people with interesting accents and was ordered to become friends with people on Facebook. As you do.

- Accidentally stumbled across a reality tv show based on town planners, hilariously called "Here Come The Planners" - a moniker which, for mine, conjures up images of folder-clutching, chino-wearing, spectacle-sporting hordes thundering round a suburban street corner and bearing down on the viewer brandishing application refusals and Information Requests like pitchforks. Was fun, lots of angry residents organising petitions and indignant small business owners trying to cover the camera with their hands. Some of you may have already been aware of this show's existence (I vaguely remember hearing of it), but it's existence proves that you can make a reality show on absolutely anything. Next Up at 7:30pm - Magnum: Practicing Accountant.

- Did a dry run in Croydon last Friday prior to starting work - "colourful".

- Started work for Croydon Council yesterday. So far, I'm thinking I was extremely spoilt at BCC. Old building, one old photocopier between 40, old equipment, decrepit online and information systems. Hmmm. Am waiting to get a better handle on the work itself before passing further judgement. The people are nice though, and the management is at least forward-thinking and open to new ideas. Cue my entrance, stage left.....

Observations and Absurdities Issue 2:

- Plants will grow anywhere here. I've seen ferns sprouting from a working satellite dish and a clump of grass waving jauntily at me from above a passing car's headlight like a cocked eyebrow. Quite charming actually.

- They don't mind a drink here. And sweet mother of God, they eat a lot of starch, wheat and potatoes as well. Heathrow Injection, anyone?

- Learnt about the historical basis for the team colours of Manchester United (red) and Leeds'(white) soccer teams and why they've got such a strong rivalry. In short: The War of the Roses, which began around 1460 between the House of Lancaster (whose emblem was a red rose) and the House of York (whose emblem was a white rose) to see who had the guff and numbers to rule England. Guess where each team is based - Man Utd: Lancashire. Leeds: Yorkshire. Kind of makes the Collingwood versus Essendon "tradition" look a bit put-on, really.

- Every scrap of food on London's supermarket shelves is hermetically sealed in plastic, as if the city's entire population is in a perpetual state of readiness for an emergency en masse migration to the Mir Space Station.

- 5pence pieces are to small to be used for anything other than assisting with the removal of your trousers, because you continually give up fishing around in your pockets for the tiny b*ggers while at a busy counter and they eventually build up into a dead weight.

- Brisbane's population is so white in comparison to London's that I'm on the verge of starting a petition to have Brisbane renamed Vanilla Sky. Or legally declared part of Sweden.

- In any one hour in Croydon you will hear more languages spoken, see more hooded jumpers and watch more lit-up police cars speed past than in a year of walking the streets in Brisbane.

- Boots: the most popular pharmacy chain here, named after an item of apparell that has no medicinal qualities whatsoever (as you do) and selling prophylactics, pessaries, incontinence pads and ........... sandwiches. As you.....wait a MINUTE!?!

- I was serious about the public toilets last time.

Newsflashes from The Grey Havens

Brit Vacationers Done Both Ways:

The Channel Tunnel got shut down last Thursday after a truck caught fire halfway through. XL (one of Europe's giant holiday companies) then made like ABC Learning Centres and shut its doors crying poor later the same day, stranding thousands of holidaying Brits on the continent who's return flights were suddenly worth as much as the Zimbabwean dollar. Many of these already-disgruntled Limeys promptly went to book a train home from Paris instead......... ummm.

Since then, UK airlines have had to chip in to stage the biggest evacuation of Brits from the mainland since the Jerries had a bunch of them bottled up on the beach at Dunkirk. Over 100,000 and counting.

To Eat or To Heat?

Prime Minister Gordon Brown announced a bold plan to insulate the homes of pensioners and the poor to help reduce their gargantuan winter heating bills in coming years. No word yet on what these poor unfortunates will do this winter though - if The Sun's assessment of the costs are to be believed, am expecting an outbreak of cannibalism in the outer suburbs around Christmas-time. Annuva drumstick, me ol' mucker?

Heads Roll In The Corridors Of Power:

Back to PM Brown again. One of his own MPs called for a leadership challenge on Gordie late last week. Gordie went the axe on her, she go bye-bye. Since then, Gordie has made like Doctor Nick Riviera and surgically removed four of his MPs to make sure the cancer doesn't spread. As of tonight, it looks like he may need to don the gloves and weild the hatchet again. The neckbone's connected to the.... faction, the faction's connected to the... dole queue....

Economic Violet Crumble:

Airlines disappeared. More tour companies went down the gurgler. Banks disappeared up their own profit-loss margin. Headlines got even more hysterical. Could this be the beginning of the UK's first major depression since they choked again at the last World Cup? Stay tuned.

To The Point:

There were 834,691 stabbings in the UK this week. PM Brown implored the UK public to "smarten up, sharp-ish-like". Just kidding.

Anyway, enough from me. Hopefully one day soon I'll be able to get decent enough internet access to send footage of UAE and Oman and my doings here in London. Until then, hope you're all doing well, and hope to hear from you. And if any of you feel like giving me some news from home I'm sure I wouldn't stab you for doing so.