Don't ask me where I found the time to finally write another blog entry (okay, okay, it was underneath the bed beside the vacuum-sealed winter woolies, the little rascal), but by Jove I need to put something out there.
As I politely informed Kirsten, Mr. King looks for all the world like an ageing crystal meth tweeker. To no avail.
Like I mentioned above, this happens every now and then. Other celebs I've been accused of being directly related to include:
Professional tennis player. Playing style described as "brutal". Middle names are "Bo" and "Carl". Frowny sort.
2. Ed Norton
Actor. Fluent in Japanese. Penchant for smoking-hot latino girlfriends.
Sweet Jesus, really??? He's a damn fine thespian, to be sure, and I know that a few ladies with severe glaucoma consider him a tidy bit of crumpet they'd like to give their own Oscar-winning performance to, but being likened to Tyler Durden's skinny, wimpy alter-ego is like being told you've won the Most Likely To Be An Office Drone award in high school. Boooo.
3. Chris Martin
Falsetto-voiced frontman for overly-earnest UK band Coldplay. Free trade activist. Hubby of Gwynny Paltrow. Fond of fruit-derived children's names.
Another bag-over-the-head-punch-in-the-face winner from a work colleague. This one, for mine, is like when those South American types start seeing an image of the Virgin Mary in their burnt tortilla. Or maybe those hateful 3D pictures you had to stare at until your eyes protested and a recognisable picture emerged (and which I could never get, by the by). Sometimes the viewer just wants to see something. Of course I couldn't be considered similar to a rugged action man like Hugh Jackman or Brad Pitt, oh no. I get puss-boy Chris Martin. Oh the humanity.
4. Larry Bird
Greatest forward in the history of basketball. Smartest basketball player ever. Shortest shorts in NBA history. May be The Messiah.
Don't get me wrong, I have nuttin' but lurrv for Larry, but this one really got my goat. Some high school friends started banging on about my likeness to Larry Legend in the early '90's. Clearly those friends were in dire need of retinal surgery. Or a swift cancellation of their supply of LSD. I mean, come on. Seriously??? Larry frickin' Bird???
5. Mystery Porn-a-Like
Un-named male adult film "actor".
A friend-of-a-friend once loudly and emphatically stated at a party that he'd been sampling some visual entertainment of the Rumpy-Pumpy kind earlier that day (as you do) and one of the participants in an interracial DP 3-way fun-fest had born a near mirror-image likeness to ol' Muggins here. So much so that the shock of recognition threw him out of rhythm. My first question was where he'd seen me in action to be able to make such a comparison, to which he replied that he'd just used his imagination. My questioning stopped at that point.
My mind has naturally rejected many of the other look-a-like claims thrown my way over the years out of pure shock and revulsion so I can't remember the majority of them. However I'm learning to embrace the horror - it's cathartic, apparently. As a great man once said: "Laugh and the whole world laughs with you; Cry, and I'll give you something to cry about you little b*stard".
Once again a friend who shall remain nameless (Kirsten) has had the temerity to declare that I bear an uncanny likeness to a celebrity who, in my humble opinion, is about as similar in appearance to me as George W. Bush is to a miniature schnauzer.
The celebrity in questions is one Matt King - apparently a Canadian purveyor of comedic stylings, host of a number of edgy television shows and owner of a serious "second-straight-day-wired-on-crack" bouffant, among other things. See left:
As I politely informed Kirsten, Mr. King looks for all the world like an ageing crystal meth tweeker. To no avail.
Like I mentioned above, this happens every now and then. Other celebs I've been accused of being directly related to include:
1. Robin Soderling
Professional tennis player. Playing style described as "brutal". Middle names are "Bo" and "Carl". Frowny sort.My team leader at work sidled up to me one morning and breathlessly attested that he'd seen my honest-to-god doppleganger playing in the Wimbledon quarter finals the previous evening. I checked up on Monsieur Soderling. Doppleganger FAIL.
2. Ed Norton
Actor. Fluent in Japanese. Penchant for smoking-hot latino girlfriends.Sweet Jesus, really??? He's a damn fine thespian, to be sure, and I know that a few ladies with severe glaucoma consider him a tidy bit of crumpet they'd like to give their own Oscar-winning performance to, but being likened to Tyler Durden's skinny, wimpy alter-ego is like being told you've won the Most Likely To Be An Office Drone award in high school. Boooo.
3. Chris Martin
Falsetto-voiced frontman for overly-earnest UK band Coldplay. Free trade activist. Hubby of Gwynny Paltrow. Fond of fruit-derived children's names.Another bag-over-the-head-punch-in-the-face winner from a work colleague. This one, for mine, is like when those South American types start seeing an image of the Virgin Mary in their burnt tortilla. Or maybe those hateful 3D pictures you had to stare at until your eyes protested and a recognisable picture emerged (and which I could never get, by the by). Sometimes the viewer just wants to see something. Of course I couldn't be considered similar to a rugged action man like Hugh Jackman or Brad Pitt, oh no. I get puss-boy Chris Martin. Oh the humanity.
4. Larry Bird
Greatest forward in the history of basketball. Smartest basketball player ever. Shortest shorts in NBA history. May be The Messiah.Don't get me wrong, I have nuttin' but lurrv for Larry, but this one really got my goat. Some high school friends started banging on about my likeness to Larry Legend in the early '90's. Clearly those friends were in dire need of retinal surgery. Or a swift cancellation of their supply of LSD. I mean, come on. Seriously??? Larry frickin' Bird???
5. Mystery Porn-a-Like
Un-named male adult film "actor".A friend-of-a-friend once loudly and emphatically stated at a party that he'd been sampling some visual entertainment of the Rumpy-Pumpy kind earlier that day (as you do) and one of the participants in an interracial DP 3-way fun-fest had born a near mirror-image likeness to ol' Muggins here. So much so that the shock of recognition threw him out of rhythm. My first question was where he'd seen me in action to be able to make such a comparison, to which he replied that he'd just used his imagination. My questioning stopped at that point.
My mind has naturally rejected many of the other look-a-like claims thrown my way over the years out of pure shock and revulsion so I can't remember the majority of them. However I'm learning to embrace the horror - it's cathartic, apparently. As a great man once said: "Laugh and the whole world laughs with you; Cry, and I'll give you something to cry about you little b*stard".
So if any of you have an MB look-a-like in mind, send me a photie - I'm offering a bounty for the most ridiculous doppleganger example. Entertain me.
2 comments:
I think Matt King is the shoo-in for that bunch mate. However, this bears no relationship to your tired and strung out appearance in recent times. I am certain you bear the wounds of hard labor and not the side effects of narcosis...? Anyway, where was this going?
Coldplay's front lad isn't so bad. May I suggest that should you spawn sprottlings that you name them after the nut family. At least their middle names will be sorted. Eg: Pea nut, cashew nut... Almond could be problematic - save that for the middle child.
Woody Woodpecker has a strong character, intelligence and seems to have boundless energy. Short in stature, the ability to fly, complexion, and lack of serial injuries was not considered in this choice. :)
Or what about the " Wired World of Sports" gymnast, Rick D'Izneck?
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